So Much

I type this from bed as I am enjoying the trial of a not so nice stomached bug. I looked at my last post date and can not believe it has been so long since my last post. Please forgive my lack of communication.

One upside about spending so much time in bed is that it gives or should i say forces you to stop and reflect. Being a Martha as many of you know there is not much more difficult for me that doing nothing. As I lay here my mind goes a million miles an hour over all the things that I could/should/need to be doing....where is the cat, is nili up from here nap,were the seedlings put in water, did the yogurt get take out of the container on and on my mind spins. All these small details of life seem so critical at the moment to me yet I wonder if anyone else is even aware of them. I have to force myself to shut my mind off and go back to sleep...

Later the next morning I hobble around to see that all those things I was so concerned about were taken care of with no assistance on my part... Amazing fact..the world in fact goes on spinning even when clea wootton is down for the count. It made me take a step back and thank God for all the wonderful, caring, and very capable people in my life. Why is it that I see them daily  yet do not appreciate them more often....most likely because I am too wrapped up in everything that I am doing to notice all they too are doing ... so please indulge me as I take a moment to brag on a few very special people to me....

 
ISAAC....he really is the most Godly, hard working man I have ever meet. He is the first to rise and last to sleep most days. He pushes himself harder than often I would like and rarely takes even a moment for himself. He constantly amazes me by his ability to make Godly decisions especially when it's difficult and consistently pours into the guys often with little or no appreciation. Honey, you amaze me! I am so thankful to have you as my husband, partner, friend and covering.



MOM (Connie)....it is hard to imagine that all these years I had such an amazing woman for a mother and did not really notice or appreciate what was right under my nose. She is one of the most steadfast people I know. Her age does not seem to slow her down a bit and often has stamina beyond those youth (myself included) around her. She unselfishly gives of her time and talents ... teaching/serving both my children and the SOM guys. She is a constant source of joy and smiles to everyone around and is a living example of denying self. She has given up so much to be here serving alongside this family and ministry. She is an amazing friend and a huge source of accountability and companionship to me. Mom, thanks for all you are and do..I appreciate it all!


MARGARET ... Most may not know her yet she is a vital part of this compound. She daily serves doing the cooking, cleaning, and shopping for our household yet she is much more than a mere worker... She is a friend. She is gifted in hospitality and has a true servants heart. She is trustworthy and really does her work as unto the Lord. She is an invaluable source of advice and assistance in a sometimes very deceptive culture. She is a constant reminder that God has his remnant everywhere. Thank you, Margaret for all your love and service.

These are just a few of the amazing people that God has put around me. It is a shame that God has to knock me on my back in order for me to take my eyes off myself long enough to see just how much I have been blessed. He really has given me SO MUCH! Let me encourage you to take a moment and look around for your blessings....it could me your mother, or spouse, or co-worker, or friend...and make sure they know how much you appreciate them!

Trials

When I think back on the last few months the verse that immediately comes to mind is James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

It has been one of those seasons when it just seems they keep coming one trial, test, disappointment, after another. One of the biggest trials and thus testimonies for me personally came a few months ago (could it really have been that long ago – yikes). Those who follow us on facebook are aware that our vehicle got broken into last time we were in Kampala and our luggages, including our passports, were stolen. I want to again thank you all that interceding on our behalf during that trial and feel compelled to testify of what God did on our behalf for HIS glory. So as promised here is the rest of the story………..

In general Isaac and I really try and limit our trips to Kampala since it is both usually expensive and dangerous but sometimes they are really unavoidable; this was one such trip. We both had to get our passports renewed, get a cashiers check for 6 months rent and the vehicle needed some repairs so we planned on coming in on a Thursday running around and getting the errands done and making a 8am appointment with the Embassy Friday morning. So we packed up the car early Thursday morning and were on the road by 6.

We made good time to Kampala and headed right to the Forex to get the rent check and cash a check for spending money and money for the vehicle repairs. That stop went without a hitch and we soon found ourselves in one of the big shopping centers to catch lunch and buy some groceries. When we entered the parking lot we were surprised by all the security in place. Not only were the police on hand but an additional security company was checking inside all the vehicles. We found a primo spot just next to the police station and heading in.

Everything was going according to schedule until we headed out to the car to find that the doors were unlocked. At first Isaac was shocked to think he would have forgotten to lock the car and it was not until I noticed that both of our bags were missing from the back seat that we even noticed the damage to the drivers side lock. It was quite the surreal moment when you almost can not believe that it is really happening to you. You shake your head and immediately start praying …"Lord help me to not freak out, you are in control, I trust in you, give me wisdom and peace that goes beyond what is happening here.” Contained in our bags were both our passports, filled out paperwork for our new passports including the necessary US cash, our rent check, a blank check from our US checking account, multiple bibles including ones we both have had over 10+ years and our bible journals.

We right away go over get the security and police and begin going thru the process knowing fully well that there is nothing that they can really do. As it turns out as we are talking to all the parties involved we were able to catch one of the security guys in a lie and now are fully convinced that he was somehow involved with the burglary. While Isaac was sorting out how to proceed, I sat near the car praying and the “suspect” guard came by…. I looked him in the eyes and told him I knew that he was involved and to take whatever they wanted but please to just drop off the passports to the US embassy. It really was one of those moments were you know that he knows that you know but you both know that police are not going to do anything about it.

Anyways we all go down to the police station to file a report about the theft and the missing passports (which is necessary to bring to the embassy). We finish the paperwork and have to rush back to the shopping center to get new passport pictures, print out the new necessary passport forms and post on facebook for prayer support. We barely finish all the tasks before the shopping center closes. Needless to say this was not how we pictured our day would turn out.

We wake up reminded that His mercies are new every morning and head out to catch our 8 am appointment at the Embassy. We arrive a little bit early so have to wait but when we finally get up to the window, we begin explaining the situation when the embassy worker tells us to hold on a minute. He excuses himself and a few minutes later returns with both our passports in his hands! Upon seeing our passports again, we are both shocked and amazed and begin thanking the Lord. The Embassy worker does not know much about how they even got to his department but that they were turned in as having been found.

Oh but wait there is more, I will try and keep to the short version as this post is getting long…… Okay so we finish our business at the Embassy still in shock and in awe of God and decide to go get the car worked on especially since we need to have new locks installed. While we are having the car worked on we get a call from the US Embassy investigation division who begin asking us about our stolen bags and they ask us to come back to the Embassy. Since the car is being worked on we can’t drive over so I stay with the car and Isaac takes a boda-boda (motorcycle) back over to the embassy.

As it turns out the Embassy has two “boys” in holding regarding our passports that they turned in and this suspicious bag they have in there possession. When Isaac gets there the embassy staff decided to take everyone down to the police station where they go thru the bag which is actually Isaac’s and inside find most of our missing items. The truly amazing this was that on the car ride over to the police Isaac gets a chance to talk to the thieves and one of boys named Robert shares with Isaac that once some missionaries had helped him with school fees and how he wants to be a good Christian and record Christen music. It was nothing less than the power of the Holy Spirit at work to convict and prompt to active repentance.

After hearing Roberts’s testimony, Isaac decided to not press charges and instead spin the idea of “how could a true thief return what he has stolen”; knowing that what Robert needed now to draw him back to the Lord was not judgment but mercy. Everyone seems to agree with this logic and even all the police were amazed. They said this type of thing never happens and that we must pray hard for such a miracle to happen. All glory to God!

They way things ended up the only things not returned were a little US cash, Isaac’s iPod, some of his clothes and toiletries, and a blank check from our US account. At first we were really worried about the blank check but this is not an infomercial but a God-fomercial so yes people there is more….

Isaac finished all the business at the police station and the Embassy staff dropped him off at the car repair shop within a few minutes of the car being finished. We cleared our bill with the mechanic and drove home to Fort Portal the same afternoon.

When we got home we immediately went to work trying to deal with our US checking account being compromised. We were all too familiar with this process having just had 6 months ago close our account and open a new one when our account was defrauded out of $7000 from a place in Botswana. Needless to say we were more than bummed to once again be in the same boat.

I called the fraud specialists for our bank and told her the situation but when I gave her the bank info for that stolen check she seemed confused and informed me that that account was already closed. As it turned out I had by accident taken the checks from the account that had been closed because of fraud instead of our current active checking account checks. Never had such a big mistake turned out to be such a blessing in disguise. The next morning we called the Forex bureau and explained to them that the check that we wrote them was from a closed account and that we would send someone on the bus with a new valid one. Even they could not believe our testimony.

Even as I type this and remember back I am speechless at the sovereignty of the Lord. Let me encourage you that no matter what trial you might currently be in know fully and confidently that God has given this struggle, trial, situation, hardship, persecution, test to you not to crush you but because He knows you can withstand and overcome it. He is using you in ways that you can not begin to see or maybe even understand but continue to preserve and you might just get a glimpse at his purpose…. God knew and Isaac and I would not be overcome by this trial but that we would be able to be faithful witnesses to Him, a tool in which to use to reach a wayward son, named Robert.

1 Thessalonians 3:3 “so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know quite well that we were destined for them.”

Surrender More

So it has been WAY to long since I posted last. I hope most have read my various God Stories via email but still it is no excuse…. I am sorry… please forgive me…..

Many may already know my big news but just incase you missed it…We are expecting another child in July of next year. The thing that you may not know is that this was in no way planned. In fact quite the opposite…We have been taking all necessary measures not to have any more children. So how can this be? That was my reaction anyways. I love my children dearly but Isaac and I had both agreed that we were done.

The week leading up to the official test was excruciating to say the least. It did not even seem right to be praying that I would not be pregnant. All the logistics filled my head and I found myself drowning in all the reasons I did not want this. But then God…

He began to confirm my suspicion thru his word, a book I was reading and then a third time by news from a friend. The test was a mere formality for God had already spoken.

As the shock began to ware off and the news began to sink in I asked the question so common in times of trial… “Why Lord, why?” And then that still small voice of the one who created not only me but this child spoke, “for I know the desires of your heart, daughter”. You see when Elijah was younger I said that if I could know for sure the child was a girl, I would want to have another so that Hosanna could have a sister. Of course knowing that I could never control such a thing I reasoned that if God had wanted her to have a sister then He would have and since He did not then He knew best and that was it…we were finished.

There are many things as a Christian that we willingly surrender or at least should, our time, our desires, our finances, our goals, our dreams, but with this latest news I quickly realized that I was not FULLY surrendered. Isaac and I always said we would have our kids young and close in age and be done, we had our plan. But you see what God was reminding me was that ALL my ways need to be not mine but His… it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me (Galatians 2:20). He is giving me a greater opportunity to trust in, rely upon and cling to Him is so many different ways and I know he won’t let me down ... its just not in his nature!

So what area does God want you to surrender more fully? Are you willing to let go and let God? Mediate on His word, His very character… lean not on your own understanding (Psalms 3:5-6), He knows what you can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13), He has a plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11) fill your heart and mind with truth and take captive all the “me” thoughts. Allow Him to be who He is … I am that I am. Who can argue with that...I sure can't!

Perfect Provision

I have been wanting to post for a while but was not sure what to write,
then today a God story happened that i wanted to share ....

Margaret (our house help since February) today informed me that her cell phone battery was no longer keeping a charge and asked me if we had one that she could use. I told her that i was not sure and i would ask Isaac. Now with employees, you have to be led of the Spirit when giving assistance. We as Christians should desire to bless others but here if you give too much too often it can easily become an expectation instead of a blessing. Anyways, Margaret really was an answer to prayer (hey that might be a good post too) and so far has not been demanding and usually very appreciative. I felt this was a reasonable request and i knew that we had been given some cell phones that we currently are not using. I went to go ask Isaac and look to see if any of the unused phones had the same type battery as Margaret's. When i talked to Isaac about taking the battery from one of the unused phones, he said that he had plans for the phones that were currently not being used and that without the batteries they were not that useful. I was starting to protest when out of nowhere he proceeded to pull out a battery from his computer bag. Of course this battery just happened (yeah right) to be the exact one that Margaret needed. Oh but wait there is more....

I asked Isaac, "where did this come from?" since i was not even aware that we had a spare battery and he began to tell me the story of how he got this battery....

Isaac's phone is from 2006 and its battery is also starting to not keep a charge so he was praying about buying a new battery while in the states (here it is very difficult to buy "genuine" electronics). Anyways before traveling to Tallahassee, He stopped in Lansing, MI to visit the Dunn family and share with the church family at Calvary Chapel Lansing. He was giving the message on Sunday and before church was in the Lobby greeting people when he saw a young black guy with two cell phones, one in each hand. Isaac made some comment about the 2 phones when the guy explained that he actually had 4 phones and was transferring his contacts from one to another. Isaac commented that it was the same type of phone that he uses in Africa and began to introduce himself believing that his guy was a church member. Anyways at the end of the conversation the black guy offers Isaac the cell phone he is getting rid of. It happens that it is a prepaid phone which won't work over here and Isaac says that he can't use the phone but would love to have the battery at which the guy takes it out and hands it to him. Isaac thanks the guy and then moves on to welcome another church member.

So Isaac teaches the Sunday service but does not see the black guy in the congregation. After the teaching, Isaac wants to tell the guy how he has been praying for a new battery and again thank him but can not seem to find Him. Unsuccessful in his search, he ask Pastor Jim Dunn but Jim does not know who he is and has never seen him before. Since the black guy was kinda young Isaac proceeds to asks the youth teacher but she also has never see him before. He keeps asking around until one church member explains that the man in question actually does not go to the church and had only stepped into the Lobby to get out of the cold and make a phone call!

I tell you this story as i told Margaret to remind you that as Matthew 6:23 says (paraphrased by my kids bible like this), "Your heavenly father all ready knows your needs." Whatever you may need (not want but need) whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, remember that our Papa already knows! That provision may in fact come from the most unlikely way , ways the we could not even imagine! We truly serve an AWESOME God!

I'll be back -- In my Father's Arms

OK so i am sure some of you wont even remember whose blog this is and i could give a million reasons why i have been MIA but i wont and i guess it is too late for a new years resolution ... so all this to say i am going to try and keep up on my posting especially now since we have a better internet!

I did have a really wonderful God experience a few months ago that when it happened i thought to myself i need to blog that one so here goes...

As many may know our family took our first real vacation since moving to Africa this past Christmas and spent a few weeks in Mombasa on the coast of Kenya. It was a wonderful time of refreshing and just good o'l beach fun. Anyways one of the times at the beach i was out in the water with Yahoo (now just a little over 2 years). He was having the best time just splashing around and crashing against the waves. I took him off of my hip and held him with both hands under the arms so he could experience the water to the fullest and to my shock he just started freaking out. I kept telling him "you are ok" and "I got you" but he would have nothing to do with it and kicked up the crying and screaming. Finally i gave up and just took him back to my hip and almost immediately he was totally fine and back to having a great time.

At that time it was like the Lord was speaking so clearing i could almost hear him chuckle. "Clea, you are just like him. Yahoo only thinks he is safe when HE is holding on to YOU but that is not his real safety; it is YOU holding HIM that keeps him safe, whether he feels it or not. You see Clea, in the same way, it is not whether you feel me near to you or not that matters; is who I AM that gives you your security. Relax and trust in who I am not in yourself."

In that moment i was once again reminded of the character of the God that i serve. He is truly worthy of my complete surrender and trust. He will be faithful for that is who HE IS! May this encourage you when you find yourself feeling very distant from the Lord, that whether you "feel" it or not He cannot and will not contradict his word which says "I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20b)

Duty

This morning as i sat down for my never quiet "quiet time", i cried out to the Lord to speak to me regarding my emptiness. Yes, i know you may find it shocking but for me, I ever so often experience times when I just feel empty; like every last drop of Jesus has been sucked out of me and i feel like giving up (note the number of times feel comes up). It is like when i am sharing a soda with the kids and they will not stop until every last dropperful is gone. "No mom there is still more!"

Papa being the every faithful father heard my cry and though his word again reminding me of the truth. Feelings are deceitful but His word is always right. So as is my habit i picked up my bible to continue in my chapter a day study finding myself in Luke chapter 17. Verses 7-10 are as follows:

"Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat'? Would he not rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' "

All to often i feel empty because i am looking to man for appreciation only to find disappointment. But as Luke states giving, serving, loving, forgiving, being poured out is just my duty. It is what the Lord has called me to do as a christian and a follower of Him. In an easy to read version of the bible the last sentence reads "We are not worthy of any special thanks. We have only done the work we should do." Ouch! I don't know about you but i do not like hearing that. But whether or not it "feels" good i know the bible speaks only truth.

One of the only areas of my life that this seemed natural is in relation to is mothering. Mothering is NOT an easy task or does it ever seem appreciated by the kids. They ever want more - more time, more grace, more food, more cartoons etc but as much as they suck everything out of me i never once consider not being their mother. The idea has never entered my mind to not feed them, not read to them, not teach them, not clothe them....those things are my given duty as their mother. So why is it so difficult to joyfully fulfill my duties as Christan without looking for special thanks?

Needless to say it reminds me of how truly wicked i am and totally incapable i am of pleasing him on my own. i don't know where you are today but if you are tired of being poured out, whether at the work place, at home, among friends, in ministry, in marriage, wherever you may find yourself let me remind you that as Christians it is merely our duty to be loving, forgiving, humble, kind, long suffering, patient, to stand for truth, to be bold, be above reproach ..... to be salt and light. And NO you cant do it, not alone...cry out to Him to fill you again with the Helper, to bring to remembrance the joy of your salvation, to help your unbelief, that we maybe workers in the harvest pleasing unto him. It will all be worth it when we finally standing in our masters very presence hear the words "Well done, good and faithful servant!".

Too Close

Since mom's return a few weeks ago we have again started our weekly bible study with the "Ladies" (Susan from Kenya, our worker, and Kelen a Ugandan neighbor). We decided to go deeper with the ladies and begin a discipline of a daily bible reading of a chapter a day with ONE application that the Lord puts on your heart. This is a real stretch for the ladies but are very excited to see how the Lord will work. We began in the book of Mark. You begin by praying then read the chapter, then read it again and mark it and then pray for God to show you one thing (the Navigators program). Often the hard part for me is narrowing down the rebuke and correction to just one things.

It has been really amazing how God is using the unusual portions of scripture to speak truth to me. Having a good bit of familiarity with the gospels I have been so blessed to see the deep truths in the small phrases. The Bible is truly living and applicable to EVERY situation of our lives.

Anyhow... one of the things the Lord really impressed on my heart was the passage in Mark 3:2 which says "And they [being the Pharisees] watched them closely whether he would heal him [man with a withered hand] on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse him." So here the religious are carefully watching to see what Jesus is going to do but the really important part is WHY! There are so many that are watching us a Christians whether they are Christians or not to see what we are going to do. They examine our lives, our families, our marriages and even more so here where you can can't help but be under the microscope. The interesting part to me was the motivation behind the examination. The were not looking at him to learn or even to consider him with and open mind but only to find a point to accuse him.

This has really been a point of struggle for me lately. I find myself constantly looking even examining the lives of those around me whether family, friends, fellow missionaries, or even our workers. But what is MY motive? That is where I all too quickly find myself in the shoes of the Pharisees. It is not to encourage or lift up but to criticize. It is believing the worst and looking to see it confirmed instead of believing and hoping in the best. How quickly I become so self-righteous and forget the way of Jesus is love. The motivation is EVERYTHING. Please pray for me as I seek the Lord to change my criticism to compassion, my examining to exalting, and my judging to rejoicing.

So my question to you is what is God saying to you? What area of your life is God wanting to correct? What personality trait is He wanting to speak to you about? Let me encourage you get in the word and listen. He so desires to speak to you. Just one chapter a day. Pray and listen for just ONE thing that he would have you hear.

"Come and hear, all you who fear God, And I will declare what He has done for my soul" Psalm 66:16

The Love Dare

I just finished reading the book Fireproof and watching the associated movie (the latest production from Kendrick brothers of Facing the Giants). If you have not seen it then i would highly recommend them both more so the book (books are always better than the movie).

The gist of the story is about a marriage that is heading for divorce and in an attempt to help his son and daughter-in-law reconcile the husbands father gives him a book called the Love Dare. (There is an actual book published called the Love Dare from the movie producers). Anywho the book is a 40 day challenge to show your spouse love. Day 1 begins with the challenge to not saying anything unkind (if you don't have something nice to say, say nothing at all) and each day continues with another task to show love. I wont spoil the ending for you just in case you have not seen it.

The really neat part is that it got me thinking about how much love do i show my husband. It just seems that those we love the most and are privy to our real self are also those we mistreat the most. I so easily take for granted the awesome man of God that my heavenly Father created me for. We are selfish my nature and often begin just focusing on what our spouse is not doing instead of focusing on serving them. Often times our desire to serve one another is based on how we feel and whether or not they deserve it. The reality is that none of us deserve love, none of us are worthy enough or righteousness enough... love is a gift given by an act of the will by our heavenly father as shown through the cross.

One of my favorite lines of the movie is that we can not let our hearts lead us but we need to lead our hearts. I have decided to take up my own love dare. I am not privy to run out to Barnes and Nobles and purchase the real book or hop online and have it sent to my house (which kinda bummed me out)... but then God spoke to my heart and said "clea, you don't need some book to figure out how to show love to those you claim to love, just sit down with me." So that is my plan to have a brain storm session with the one who IS love and come up with ways to show both isaac and my mom love.

I know for some of you more romantic types it may seem too structured but the thing that i have found in my very few years of marriage is that love really is more a thing of the will then the heart so having a plan is not a bad thing. it takes some work to actually put your love into action at least for this overly logically, highly selfish, engineer and mother of 4.

My prayer is that today you also would take a moment to show those you care for the most your love for them by your works... and i double dog dare you to make your own love dare...

James 2:22 "You see that his faith (love) and his actions were working together, and his faith (love) was made complete by what he did." (refocus my me)

Discipleship

So Isaac is out on a 10 day outreach with the School of Ministry and since the computer is free and the kids are asleep i figured would blog (i know it has been too long -- you must forgive).

Anywho i had to just sit down and right about what happened with Nemo tonight. This afternoon we went over to some friends for a birthday party and one of the child's gifts was the new movie (not sure if new but i had never even heard of it -- i know that does not mean much) called Bolt. I thought the two older boys would be way blessed to see a new cartoon movie so even though it was getting late i arranged for the boys to be dropped off at the house later once the movie was over and i walked home with the two young ones to start dinner.

All seemed to be well, i got dinner ready and did some of the prep for the bed time routine. The boys were dropped off and we sat down for dinner when i noticed that Nemo seemed kinda aloof. I asked him if he was tired figuring that must be the explanation of the attitude. Much to my surprise he almost started crying and began saying how he should not have watched that movie and it was scary and he was going to have bad dreams.

Ok so granted i probably should have screened the movie but it was Walt Disney and we were at another missionaries house so i figured it could not be all that bad. Hindsight is 20/20 and i should have known better epically given Nemo's very sensitive nature and his struggles of late with scary dreams.

So that is all the back ground but the really cool part is how God arranges these "discipleship moments" in our lives. Isaac may have his SOM disciples but God has entrusted me with four precious souls that He desires to be trained and equipped and it is my job (by this grace of course) to do it.

So over dinner we talked about what was it that scared him and what was going on in the movie. We talked about how in those scary moments God provides an escape or how sometimes what appears to be a bad situation God uses for good and how it is often in those moments of trouble that you seek God. I could tell he was listening but still emotionally upset. I explained to him about how God does not remove all the scary times or the times of trouble but helps us to trust in him through them to which Nemo responds "Yeah like how Paul was thrown in prison. God could have kept him out of prison and didn't but God was with him."

We continued with our bedtime routine and Nemo asked me to pray that he would not have scary dreams so we did. When we finished Lulu's and Yahoo's bible story on David Nemo asked "Mom if David had all these guys and Saul had all these guys why did David not just fight Saul and become king?" Once again i was able to pour such truth into his heart about how God is the one who raises up kings and David knew that God alone should take them down and about how during Davids running from King Saul God was teaching him lessons that would make David to be a king that God wanted. The idea again of God using our trials to refine us for His purposes.

By the time we had finished the bible stories and praying i could sense Nemo was still upset so i decided to put the other three kids in bed and spend a little bit of one on one time with my first born. I really felt that God was giving him another opportunity to grow in the area of his emotions and i told him that. I explained how in our physical lives we don't always get to choose what happens to us but we do get to choose what we think about (hold every thought captive, think on whatever is lovely). I got out a cup and filled it half full with water and asked him the age old question "Is it half empty or half full?" to which he responded, "both". "Your right, it depends on the way you look at it." And how true. Are we focused on the blessings in our lives or are we looking and longing for more? Are we recognizing the God moments, the answered prayers, the angels around us or just the disappointments, frustrations, and discouragements?

By the end of our conversation, the light countenance and smile returned to his face and we held hands as we walked down the hall to the bedroom. I tucked my not so little boy in bed, kissed his forehead and told him that i loved him. As i turned and quietly closed the door i could not help but be overcome with thanksgiving to my God for those four blessings in my life.

Moms out there, let me encourage you, don't let those discipleship moments pass you by. Take the time. Be filled that you may have the words, the examples to pour into them. There is truly no greater joy or calling.

1 Timothy 4:8 "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."

Disappointment

Most of you know but in case you don’t the ministry that the Lord has called us too is that of discipleship here in Uganda, Africa. I somewhat include myself but really it is Isaac’s ministry (my discipleship consists mainly to the 4 kidos He has given us but they go with us no matter where we are located). This is a difficult situation for me to be in especially given my bulldog personality that just wants to “fix” the situation. Ok on with the story.

We have just finished the first term at the School of Ministry. It has been a busy time. Isaac is usually at the church 5-6 days a week and then most of the time remaining is spent studying and preparing for classes. Needless to say he really gives 110% to the ministry for which I am very proud of him. The hard part for me comes when I don’t see that type of return commitment from those who he is investing in. I think it is like when a child is sick, it is hard to watch them suffer you wish you could just make it stop. That is the way I feel often but Isaac is not my child but my husband.

So in many ways I have allowed the reality of the results for this term get me down. It is like a roller coaster. You have glimpses that the students are really getting it but then just a few days later you find yourself just shaking your head in disbelief. I struggle with bitterness since the man I love has given up everything and puts his whole heart into the ministry which is seemly taken for granted. Isaac on the other hand continues steadfast in his commitment to the Lord it as unto Him and Him ALONE.

Ok so that is all the ME part of the story ….. Now for God. He of course know my every expectation and is not mad at me when I get disappointed but like always when he speaks it changes EVERYTHING! All he did was remind me that I see things dimly while he sees it all. From my perspective I can not believe that these students don’t seem to be getting it. That they are not meeting my expectation of what their lives should look like. But for me I only see a glimpse where God has known them from their creation. He says to me, “But clea, if you only knew where they have come from.”

For those of you who are in ministry (whatever type it may be) and are not seeing the results you would like myself included, remember, not to become so focused on where they are NOT that you loose site of where they have come from.

Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you [and them as well] will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ”

Mountain moving Faith

Romans 4:20-21 "He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform."

This verse speaks of Abraham. Most of us know the story ... Abe and his wife are childless and old and the Lord tells him he is going to make his decedents as numerous as the stars. All the physical circumstances indicates that this is clearly impossible but yet Abe according to Romans did not stagger at what God promised. Other versions state that he did not waver or doubt. As i meditated on that verse i began to ask myself .... How is it actually possible to not waver, to not doubt, to not stagger?

One of my weaknesses is that i am very logical and i struggle in fully embracing things that i can not totally comprehend. I know in my head that God is very able to work miracles and but my faith in Him actually doing it is far from the place of not doubting. I am like the father with the sick son in Mark 9:24 constantly crying out that i believe but for the Lord to help my unbelief.

Then He speaks to me and it all makes sense. That kind of unwavering faith is NOT possible of my own. It is a gift that HE gives to me. It is not a place that i alone can reach. I am weak, poor, wretched and fully and utterly incapable of doing it on my own. When HE speaks to you and you know that it is him and him alone then the faith that was not there before is now fully present in such abundance that even you are amazed. The important part is not gaining the faith but hearing from the very heart of your heavenly father.

So now my prayers are not so much for the faith but just to hear very clearly and to be persistent to not move until i know that i know that i know He has spoken. Don't settle for anything less. "But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is [I am, that I am] and that he is a rewarder of them who diligently seek Him."
(Hebrews 11:6)

Begin TODAY!

Giving

OK so amazing 2 post in one day but i have been meaning to post this story for a month and now finally have a window (hubby out of the country so the computer is free) and am taking advantage of it.

So in February we had our very first visitor since we have lived in Africa. She is such a super awesome women and truly our life line to the states. We desired so much to really make her stay enjoyable and for her to get to experience some of the jewels of this area. We especially wanted to be able to take her to one of the game parks as it might be a once in a lifetime trip. Since she booked her tickets we had been each month saving up a small amount of our monthly support to have "vacation money". Unfortunately when the time came to make reservations we did not have enough to financially be able to go as a family. We just prayed about it and even thought that maybe Isaac would just stay with the kids while the three ladies went. The morning before we were to leave Isaac and I decided to "bite the bullet" and just do it. We were never going to find a time that we would spend the money for ourselves so if we did not do it now we might just never.

Anyway that very morning only hours after we had made the decision another missionary here in Fort Portal called and asked if she could stop by. Of course my reply was sure and a half an hour later i was letting her in the gate. As i closed the gate behind me, she handed me a wad of cash and says that it is a gift from a couple from the states that just finished visiting them. The couple said that the Lord had provided the finances for their trip to Uganda and they did not feel right about returning with any money so to bless us with it.

It was such an answer to prayer and totally a God things since we had really only briefly met this couple. With Gods unexpected gift were able to all go to the game park as a family and have a wonderful time. But wait there is more....

Not only did we get blessed but the cycle of giving did not end there... right before our visitor left she blessed us with some additional funds which we turned right around and blessed another missionary couple in Entebbee that was going through a rough time. I just kept remembering how much Gods unexpected gift blessed us and so although it was difficult to release it (I could think of a million things i could use that money for) I knew it was the right thing to do.

The totally God part of this story is that just a few weeks later God again used another totally unexpected avenue to financially bless us again! It is so cool how just a simple act of obedience (both by the original givers and us as well) allows the amazingness of the God that we serve to be seen. It was such a testimony to me of how it is truly impossible to out give the giver of all.

Walking Away

How it happens and why it happens i am not sure but the reality is that it does. Last week was our vacation week from school (we do 8 week terms, then a review week and an off week). As some of you homeschoolers can relate i was more then way ready for a break from the daily schedule and I decided to really just do nothing (as much as a mom with 4 kidos 5 years and under can) and enjoy myself. Now this sounds all great but the only problem with throwing the program aside was that one of the most important parts of my daily schedule is getting up at 6am for my hour with the Lord before the kids wake. Of course me in my not so infinite wisdom decided that since we were not doing school i would be able to make it up some other time during the day. This of course never happened.

I am starting to see a pattern... things are going well. I am committed and really growing as the Lord chastens, convicts and reveals things to me in our morning tea time and then all of a sudden my flesh somehow convinces me that i just need a little break and that it is OK i will be able to just pick up right were i left off. This is such a lie from the pit of hell. At the end of the week i found myself spiritually empty less refreshed then when the break began and now facing the once again battle to get back into the routine. OK i will start tomorrow and then that tomorrow turns around and continues to be tomorrow. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

The bible is always true (imagine that) ... the manna must be collected daily; the vessel must be continuously be filled with the living water. Don't ever be fooled into thinking that anything BUT time with the Lord is what will give you real rest. I think for me i have learned my lesson -- a get away from my schedule is fine but never from my Lord.

Count the Cost

Just recently i received some very exciting news. Many of you may already know but my older sister is pregnant with her first child. Since my family has returned back to Africa she has both gotten married and now is expecting. We of course are very happy and excited for her but i must in all honesty say that my joy is somewhat diminished. For the first time since excepting the call to come to Africa, i have had the opportunity to really count the cost of being totally sold out for the Lord.

For me personally the physical sacrifices of living in a third world country have never really even phased me. I quickly adapt and adjust to leaving with less amenities. I have not for one minute felt that i was missing out. In fact in many ways i enjoy the ability to have more control over the influences in my children's lives. I am finding pleasure working in the garden and being able to enjoy the fruits and vegetable of my labor. For all this I am thankful.

But now for the first time i find myself mourning for what will never be. The Lord is now asking me to sacrifice something very valuable. I was not there to see my sister get married; not there to share in her joy or excitement. And now i am missing out on the memories of her growing bigger, her ultrasounds, feeling the baby move and welcoming in a beautiful child into this world. It is especially difficult since we are so close. She played such a important role in the birthing of all my four children that the idea of not really being able to be there for her makes my heart sad. This is a cost i had not really expected or at least not anticipated.

What has following Christ cost you?

For me up until now not much. I am only now beginning to experience the price that can be required in forsaking it all and following Him. Living in a culture that does not live by biblical standards,means that for many the decision to follow Christ cost them dearly. For a Muslim it means being disowned by family and friends, possibly loosing a job or business associates. For a new believer to stand for the truth may cost them a marriage or a family. We take for granted all the freedoms we have as Americans to live in a world without persecution of religion. Be thankful and say a prayer for all those who don't have such freedoms.


1Peter 5:9 "Resist him (Satan), steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world."

Overcome

I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday season and are now looking forward to the freshness of a new year. At this time one can not help but do the self evaluation of the previous year, where I find myself now and what does the year ahead hold. I am reading a book by Greg Laurie and in the introduction he states that when a life (or in our case a year) is coming to an end one of the things he hears people say the most is that “they wished they had spent more time walking closely with God. At the end of their lives, they have come to recognize the fact that they will stand before Almighty God…. Sadly we will spend so much time on that which does not really matter and in the process, we neglect that which really does matter.”

When I read this I became so very convicted. What you say….”Clea, you have given up everything to serve the Lord!” It is true that I have given up many physical luxuries but the thing that I have not given the Lord is priority. I like so many others all too easily get caught up in “doing”; putting so much emphasis on my daily physical schedule that I schedule out the Lord. How I get to such a state is hard to determine. I look back on seasons of my life where I was committed to my quiet walks with the Lord, to my personal journal time, of just needing time in the stillness. Like any new resolution it takes time and commitment to make it routine. Like pastor Laurie reminded me I am never going to look back and care if dinner was on time or if I got the chores done on time but I will regret allowing my flesh to rob me of the blessing of time with my Father.

I don’t know about you but the kind of person that I want to be can’t happen without daily refreshment from the Lord. I don’t want to be a complainer; I don’t want to get frustrated with my kids just being kids; I don’t want to get stress out just trying to get the family out the door for church. To me that is not the victorious Christian life that Jesus has made available to me.

For me, my once again new year resolution is to get up early and start my day before the kids wake (yes I realize this may mean getting up at 5 in the morning) in the bible and prayer. I need no I must begin with Him, not rushed, not squeezed, but still. If I don’t how can I ever be that person that reflects Christ to my husband and children yet alone to a lost and dying world. Without spending time being filled, it will not happen no matter how much I want it.

So now that you know my resolution... anybody up to calling Africa daily to get my lazy butt out of bed… Just kidding. I know even this too is accomplished by prayer and He will give me the ability to overcome. But how about you…what is the Lord putting on your heart? What is He calling you to do or not do? Please I beg you, I implore you, no matter how impossible it may seem or how silly or how hard, COMMIT. Don’t come to the end of next year with the same regrets or what ifs. Lets be overcomers!

1John 4:4 “Little children, you are of God [you belong to Him] and have [already] defeated and overcome them [the agents of the antichrist], because He Who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world.” (AMP)

The rest of the story

The teaching at church today dealt with the birth of Jesus as did probably many sermons but what we were encouraged to do was contemplate the rest of the story. We all know the pictures of the manger scene... baby Jesus wrapped in linen, in the manger with Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, the wise men, and the angel all looking in awe of the new born child. We so often think of how this child will grow and become the crucified savior. We celebrate the beginning of Jesus' life on earth but this is not the beginning of the story of Jesus. Stop and think with me about who is it that lies in the manger. Too often we overlook the amazingness of the fact that GOD came to dwell with man. The Everlasting father, the mighty God, Emanuel (God with us), the one in which all things were created, the entirely of the God that created the stars, that knows you by name, that knows when a single sparrow falls, knows the number of hairs on your head ... the fullness of God came into this world as a helpless child! And why exactly did He come, why would He take on human flesh ... simply for you and me. We should be speechless, over come in awe... This season take some time to reflect on the bigness of God. Be in awe of who Jesus is and what he has done for you.

Scripture for further reflection: Isaiah 9:6, Isaiah 40:10-31, Micah 5:2, Psalm 8:3-5, Psalm 33:13-15, Colossians 1:15-20, Philippians 2:6-7

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas

All In

December 15, 2008.

So I just finished
reading the book End of the Spear. If you don’t know, the book is about the result of the death of 5 missionary men who willing gave their life to make peaceful contact with some natives of the Amazon in Ecuador in the name of the gospel.

I really enjoy reading books like this because it is so easy for me being a missionary to focus on how much I have given up in the name of Jesus. On a daily basis I don’t really even think about it too much. However, you have those moments when you hear about even other missionaries going on vacation, or being able to go to Kampala for the weekend again, that the flesh rears up and you start comparing. Those moments are never uplifting and instead of looking at all that the Lord has provided with thanksgiving you end up having a poor me party.

Anywho… I had one of those the other night just after finishing this book and by my third or fourth cup of poor me tea I was disgusted with myself for even allowing my thoughts to go so far from God. As I sat there talking about how much we have given up I could not help but think about the real cost of being ALL IN for Jesus.

I don’t know about now, but a couple of years ago poker was a really big thing. People would get together to play or watch the World Series of Poker on ESPN. I never really go into it but I do remember the times when the players would go all in. I am not much of risk taker. I guess I am just too logical but I remember looking at the mountain of poker chips and thinking that they are crazy for chancing it all. What if they were bluffing and got called on it and lost! I think those players new something about risks – if you are not willing to risk big then often you are able to win big.

I think that same theory applies to our walks with the Lord. We have to be willing to go ALL IN. Now don’t think that just because I am a missionary in Africa that I have somehow got this handled. It is a constant choice to not hold back, to not have a plan B and just trust. It does not come natural or easily; it is an act of the will. But unlike poker our going all in for the Lord is not a gamble.

I don’t remember how I got on the conversation with Nemo but I was telling him about how Jesus said that if you love your life you will loose it but whoever looses their life will gain it. As I explained it to him it began to really sink into my heart. If I love my life and I am more concerned about me and my needs in the end I will have lost but if I give it up not just some parts of my life but every part, my family, my finances, my time, my health, my marriage, my friendships, my self image then I win. I think about those 5 missionary men who literately gave it all even unto death. I believe that before they ever gave up their life physically they had already in their mind had whole heartily given it back to the Lord.

Do we just say the words "to live is gain to die is gain" or do we believe it do we practice it? God has been working on me to go ALL IN. How about you? Is there an area of your life that you still have not TOTALLY submitted back to the Lord? Do it today! It is not a gamble it is a sure bet win. I most assuredly will never win the world series of poker but when this game of life is over and I get to heaven I want to be able to tell Papa that I went all in for Him.

What makes Christmas Christmas?

I have been catching up on all the blogs i follow and have enjoyed getting a glimpe of the holiday season. I must confess that I find myself missing so many of the things about this time of year and feeling very far away. This will be the second year in a row that we really have not celebrated Christmas at least in any way that resembles my childhood memories. Last year we were traveling to CA and spent Christmas night in a hotel. This year we find ourselves in Uganda. I really had not given it much thought until reading all the blogs for here it is hard to even get your mind to believe it is only a few weeks away. As i was filling out the questionare by KKK (See below) i really started to think about what makes Christmas Christmas?

For me my defination falls back to the childhood memories of hanging christmas lights on the house, setting up a tree, cooking a nice meal, shopping for gifts, opening presents, hanging around the house as a family etc.... But when i look at all the things that makes up Christmas for me i fail to find really anything having to do with Christ. Is not the reason to celebrate this holiday to remember the birth of our Savior? but in my heart the holiday is not centered on doing that. It is more of a foot note then the focus.

Now don't miss understand me ... i love the family time and the meals all of which can be God-centered. For me i guess being here with out all the things that to me make Christmas Christmas i have begun to ponder what Christmas legacy do i want to leave with my children (esp since isaac having grown up in Israel is not a big Christmas tradition person). What things will they associate with Christmas?

As i pray and seek what GOD would want to make Christmas Christmas for my family, i would love to hear from you on how you make Christ the center of your holiday.

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Egg Nog though store bought tried a homemade one and not the same

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? We don’t want to be in the habit of lying to the kids so thus no santa

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Any lights are ok with me as long as they work

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No. but as a kid in NW I remember having a tree and collecting bunches and selling them to the neighbors

5. When do you put your decorations up? No set time --this year kids and mom made pictures of decorated trees in art and put them up around the house

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Don’t have specific favorite – right now any grilled beef sounds yummy

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child: Stockings… was always my favorite part

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Don’t remember.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Usually the kids did

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Never consistent, lights was the only must (mom loved the “bubblers”)

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Like it when can just enjoy it and not have to accomplish anything in it

12. Can you ice skate? Yes but not done in a long time.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Salvation – Jesus is the best gift ever!

14. What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Time with family/friends.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? White chocolate peppermint bark that a friend makes --- mouth watering just thinking about it

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Elvis Christmas songs

17. What tops your tree? Don’t have a tree this year.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Both

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?" Mary did you know

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Yum and kids enjoy

21. What do you want for Christmas? For it to seem like Christmas

22. Do you attend an annual Christmas Party? Yes CC Fort Portal has one

23. Do you dress up on Christmas or wear PJs? Dress up whats that?

24. Do you own a Santa hat? Nope

25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with? I don’t think there is such a thing as normal Christmas for us -- at least not yet.

Something in the air

As Christmas time rolls around here in Ft. Portal there is a buzz in the air literally....grasshoppers. They are a huge deal and many people look forward to this time of year. As we drove out to the open air market outside of town we saw groups of people scavenging the tall grass for the hopping creatures. It was really quite a strange site.

By now I am sure you are wondering but are afraid to ask "what is it that they do with these creatures?"... Yep you guessed it; in pure fear factor style they eat them. It actually is a big treat and quite the money making business. Just from the selling of grasshoppers people have made enough money to buy land, purchase a car, pay school fees etc. It is actually a tradition that if your wife buys you grasshoppers you as the husband must purchase her a new Christmas dress (no wonder they sell so well).

Anywho so when in Uganda do as the Ugandans do... at the market Isaac carefully picked out the grasshoppers that were alive and put them in a plastic bag to bring home. He wanted to cook our own so that we knew they were "fresh". We weren't quite done shopping so he poked a hole in the bag so they could breath and left them in the car. When we returned to the vehicle, we realized that we had hoppers all over the car. It was a TIA moment (this is Africa). We managed to round most of them up and proceeded home.

Before roasting the legs and wings had to be removed. I was too busy getting lunch ready to assist but the kids seemed to enjoy playing with the bugs. I think it was even hard for Isaac since he "let a few go". Anyways we roasted them up in a dry pan (no oil is necessary for when cooking they produce their own) and all (except mom who refused) tried our very first grasshopper.
So how did it taste? Actually not bad. It kinda reminded me of crunchy popcorn. I don’t think that we will be adding grasshopper to our weekly diet but am glad to have had the experience.

James 4 back again

This is just a small praise the Lord if there is actually such a thing. Some of you may know but we have been experiencing difficulty with our Internet situation here. It really has been a chronic problem since in Africa but Isaac had assured me that the situation in Uganda was better. Once we arrived in Ft. Portal we went to the get the same system that works for Doug and Destiny only to find out that they don't actually sell that any more. BUT they assured us that this new mobile USB modem was even better. So at great expense we purchased it seeing it as an investment. The pamphlet stated that it would get speeds up to 236 Kbps which is super fast for here so we were quite excited. Our excitement was short lived. Come to find out that we were having difficulty even connecting and the fastest we ever saw it run was 5kbps. TIA (this is Africa!) Then after one month it pretty much stopped working at all. We tried everything to work with the company even asking at the "main" store in Kampala with no success. The only solution that the company suggested is that we purchase an other system at about the same price that they assured us would work "fast".

Needless to say i was less than OK with the Internet situation and in what i am seeing is my unhealthy patten i started looking to Isaac to fix the situation. He assured me that the reality was that we were not going to have internet any time soon with out dumping in a lot of time and money just to have no guarantee of success. I was just not OK with his answer. Then as i am also seeing is God's pattern ,the scripture that i wrote about in the Sept-Oct Clea's perspective (it is not up on the site anymore so if you missed it and would like to read it just email me and i can send it to you) came to my mind "You have not because you ask not". So i in typical clea form stormed off to the bathroom and half crying and half demanding i told God in my not so big girl voice "I want internet!" You can almost picture me stomping my feet.

The amazing thing is that not literally 5 minutes later we get a call from Doug about switching systems with him. That ended up not working but we did get to have his old phone that uses a different company and are now back to being connected without having to shell out money we did not really have to spend. God never ceases to amaze me. Why He would so lovingly answer me even when i am not asking in the right heart at all. All Papa wants is for me to look to Him and not to Isaac. He wants and is so deserving of all the glory.

My prayer is that next time the temper tantrum won't be necessary and i will follow Philippians 4:6 better "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;"