Disappointment

Most of you know but in case you don’t the ministry that the Lord has called us too is that of discipleship here in Uganda, Africa. I somewhat include myself but really it is Isaac’s ministry (my discipleship consists mainly to the 4 kidos He has given us but they go with us no matter where we are located). This is a difficult situation for me to be in especially given my bulldog personality that just wants to “fix” the situation. Ok on with the story.

We have just finished the first term at the School of Ministry. It has been a busy time. Isaac is usually at the church 5-6 days a week and then most of the time remaining is spent studying and preparing for classes. Needless to say he really gives 110% to the ministry for which I am very proud of him. The hard part for me comes when I don’t see that type of return commitment from those who he is investing in. I think it is like when a child is sick, it is hard to watch them suffer you wish you could just make it stop. That is the way I feel often but Isaac is not my child but my husband.

So in many ways I have allowed the reality of the results for this term get me down. It is like a roller coaster. You have glimpses that the students are really getting it but then just a few days later you find yourself just shaking your head in disbelief. I struggle with bitterness since the man I love has given up everything and puts his whole heart into the ministry which is seemly taken for granted. Isaac on the other hand continues steadfast in his commitment to the Lord it as unto Him and Him ALONE.

Ok so that is all the ME part of the story ….. Now for God. He of course know my every expectation and is not mad at me when I get disappointed but like always when he speaks it changes EVERYTHING! All he did was remind me that I see things dimly while he sees it all. From my perspective I can not believe that these students don’t seem to be getting it. That they are not meeting my expectation of what their lives should look like. But for me I only see a glimpse where God has known them from their creation. He says to me, “But clea, if you only knew where they have come from.”

For those of you who are in ministry (whatever type it may be) and are not seeing the results you would like myself included, remember, not to become so focused on where they are NOT that you loose site of where they have come from.

Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you [and them as well] will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ”

Mountain moving Faith

Romans 4:20-21 "He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform."

This verse speaks of Abraham. Most of us know the story ... Abe and his wife are childless and old and the Lord tells him he is going to make his decedents as numerous as the stars. All the physical circumstances indicates that this is clearly impossible but yet Abe according to Romans did not stagger at what God promised. Other versions state that he did not waver or doubt. As i meditated on that verse i began to ask myself .... How is it actually possible to not waver, to not doubt, to not stagger?

One of my weaknesses is that i am very logical and i struggle in fully embracing things that i can not totally comprehend. I know in my head that God is very able to work miracles and but my faith in Him actually doing it is far from the place of not doubting. I am like the father with the sick son in Mark 9:24 constantly crying out that i believe but for the Lord to help my unbelief.

Then He speaks to me and it all makes sense. That kind of unwavering faith is NOT possible of my own. It is a gift that HE gives to me. It is not a place that i alone can reach. I am weak, poor, wretched and fully and utterly incapable of doing it on my own. When HE speaks to you and you know that it is him and him alone then the faith that was not there before is now fully present in such abundance that even you are amazed. The important part is not gaining the faith but hearing from the very heart of your heavenly father.

So now my prayers are not so much for the faith but just to hear very clearly and to be persistent to not move until i know that i know that i know He has spoken. Don't settle for anything less. "But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is [I am, that I am] and that he is a rewarder of them who diligently seek Him."
(Hebrews 11:6)

Begin TODAY!