Trials

When I think back on the last few months the verse that immediately comes to mind is James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

It has been one of those seasons when it just seems they keep coming one trial, test, disappointment, after another. One of the biggest trials and thus testimonies for me personally came a few months ago (could it really have been that long ago – yikes). Those who follow us on facebook are aware that our vehicle got broken into last time we were in Kampala and our luggages, including our passports, were stolen. I want to again thank you all that interceding on our behalf during that trial and feel compelled to testify of what God did on our behalf for HIS glory. So as promised here is the rest of the story………..

In general Isaac and I really try and limit our trips to Kampala since it is both usually expensive and dangerous but sometimes they are really unavoidable; this was one such trip. We both had to get our passports renewed, get a cashiers check for 6 months rent and the vehicle needed some repairs so we planned on coming in on a Thursday running around and getting the errands done and making a 8am appointment with the Embassy Friday morning. So we packed up the car early Thursday morning and were on the road by 6.

We made good time to Kampala and headed right to the Forex to get the rent check and cash a check for spending money and money for the vehicle repairs. That stop went without a hitch and we soon found ourselves in one of the big shopping centers to catch lunch and buy some groceries. When we entered the parking lot we were surprised by all the security in place. Not only were the police on hand but an additional security company was checking inside all the vehicles. We found a primo spot just next to the police station and heading in.

Everything was going according to schedule until we headed out to the car to find that the doors were unlocked. At first Isaac was shocked to think he would have forgotten to lock the car and it was not until I noticed that both of our bags were missing from the back seat that we even noticed the damage to the drivers side lock. It was quite the surreal moment when you almost can not believe that it is really happening to you. You shake your head and immediately start praying …"Lord help me to not freak out, you are in control, I trust in you, give me wisdom and peace that goes beyond what is happening here.” Contained in our bags were both our passports, filled out paperwork for our new passports including the necessary US cash, our rent check, a blank check from our US checking account, multiple bibles including ones we both have had over 10+ years and our bible journals.

We right away go over get the security and police and begin going thru the process knowing fully well that there is nothing that they can really do. As it turns out as we are talking to all the parties involved we were able to catch one of the security guys in a lie and now are fully convinced that he was somehow involved with the burglary. While Isaac was sorting out how to proceed, I sat near the car praying and the “suspect” guard came by…. I looked him in the eyes and told him I knew that he was involved and to take whatever they wanted but please to just drop off the passports to the US embassy. It really was one of those moments were you know that he knows that you know but you both know that police are not going to do anything about it.

Anyways we all go down to the police station to file a report about the theft and the missing passports (which is necessary to bring to the embassy). We finish the paperwork and have to rush back to the shopping center to get new passport pictures, print out the new necessary passport forms and post on facebook for prayer support. We barely finish all the tasks before the shopping center closes. Needless to say this was not how we pictured our day would turn out.

We wake up reminded that His mercies are new every morning and head out to catch our 8 am appointment at the Embassy. We arrive a little bit early so have to wait but when we finally get up to the window, we begin explaining the situation when the embassy worker tells us to hold on a minute. He excuses himself and a few minutes later returns with both our passports in his hands! Upon seeing our passports again, we are both shocked and amazed and begin thanking the Lord. The Embassy worker does not know much about how they even got to his department but that they were turned in as having been found.

Oh but wait there is more, I will try and keep to the short version as this post is getting long…… Okay so we finish our business at the Embassy still in shock and in awe of God and decide to go get the car worked on especially since we need to have new locks installed. While we are having the car worked on we get a call from the US Embassy investigation division who begin asking us about our stolen bags and they ask us to come back to the Embassy. Since the car is being worked on we can’t drive over so I stay with the car and Isaac takes a boda-boda (motorcycle) back over to the embassy.

As it turns out the Embassy has two “boys” in holding regarding our passports that they turned in and this suspicious bag they have in there possession. When Isaac gets there the embassy staff decided to take everyone down to the police station where they go thru the bag which is actually Isaac’s and inside find most of our missing items. The truly amazing this was that on the car ride over to the police Isaac gets a chance to talk to the thieves and one of boys named Robert shares with Isaac that once some missionaries had helped him with school fees and how he wants to be a good Christian and record Christen music. It was nothing less than the power of the Holy Spirit at work to convict and prompt to active repentance.

After hearing Roberts’s testimony, Isaac decided to not press charges and instead spin the idea of “how could a true thief return what he has stolen”; knowing that what Robert needed now to draw him back to the Lord was not judgment but mercy. Everyone seems to agree with this logic and even all the police were amazed. They said this type of thing never happens and that we must pray hard for such a miracle to happen. All glory to God!

They way things ended up the only things not returned were a little US cash, Isaac’s iPod, some of his clothes and toiletries, and a blank check from our US account. At first we were really worried about the blank check but this is not an infomercial but a God-fomercial so yes people there is more….

Isaac finished all the business at the police station and the Embassy staff dropped him off at the car repair shop within a few minutes of the car being finished. We cleared our bill with the mechanic and drove home to Fort Portal the same afternoon.

When we got home we immediately went to work trying to deal with our US checking account being compromised. We were all too familiar with this process having just had 6 months ago close our account and open a new one when our account was defrauded out of $7000 from a place in Botswana. Needless to say we were more than bummed to once again be in the same boat.

I called the fraud specialists for our bank and told her the situation but when I gave her the bank info for that stolen check she seemed confused and informed me that that account was already closed. As it turned out I had by accident taken the checks from the account that had been closed because of fraud instead of our current active checking account checks. Never had such a big mistake turned out to be such a blessing in disguise. The next morning we called the Forex bureau and explained to them that the check that we wrote them was from a closed account and that we would send someone on the bus with a new valid one. Even they could not believe our testimony.

Even as I type this and remember back I am speechless at the sovereignty of the Lord. Let me encourage you that no matter what trial you might currently be in know fully and confidently that God has given this struggle, trial, situation, hardship, persecution, test to you not to crush you but because He knows you can withstand and overcome it. He is using you in ways that you can not begin to see or maybe even understand but continue to preserve and you might just get a glimpse at his purpose…. God knew and Isaac and I would not be overcome by this trial but that we would be able to be faithful witnesses to Him, a tool in which to use to reach a wayward son, named Robert.

1 Thessalonians 3:3 “so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know quite well that we were destined for them.”

Duty

This morning as i sat down for my never quiet "quiet time", i cried out to the Lord to speak to me regarding my emptiness. Yes, i know you may find it shocking but for me, I ever so often experience times when I just feel empty; like every last drop of Jesus has been sucked out of me and i feel like giving up (note the number of times feel comes up). It is like when i am sharing a soda with the kids and they will not stop until every last dropperful is gone. "No mom there is still more!"

Papa being the every faithful father heard my cry and though his word again reminding me of the truth. Feelings are deceitful but His word is always right. So as is my habit i picked up my bible to continue in my chapter a day study finding myself in Luke chapter 17. Verses 7-10 are as follows:

"Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat'? Would he not rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' "

All to often i feel empty because i am looking to man for appreciation only to find disappointment. But as Luke states giving, serving, loving, forgiving, being poured out is just my duty. It is what the Lord has called me to do as a christian and a follower of Him. In an easy to read version of the bible the last sentence reads "We are not worthy of any special thanks. We have only done the work we should do." Ouch! I don't know about you but i do not like hearing that. But whether or not it "feels" good i know the bible speaks only truth.

One of the only areas of my life that this seemed natural is in relation to is mothering. Mothering is NOT an easy task or does it ever seem appreciated by the kids. They ever want more - more time, more grace, more food, more cartoons etc but as much as they suck everything out of me i never once consider not being their mother. The idea has never entered my mind to not feed them, not read to them, not teach them, not clothe them....those things are my given duty as their mother. So why is it so difficult to joyfully fulfill my duties as Christan without looking for special thanks?

Needless to say it reminds me of how truly wicked i am and totally incapable i am of pleasing him on my own. i don't know where you are today but if you are tired of being poured out, whether at the work place, at home, among friends, in ministry, in marriage, wherever you may find yourself let me remind you that as Christians it is merely our duty to be loving, forgiving, humble, kind, long suffering, patient, to stand for truth, to be bold, be above reproach ..... to be salt and light. And NO you cant do it, not alone...cry out to Him to fill you again with the Helper, to bring to remembrance the joy of your salvation, to help your unbelief, that we maybe workers in the harvest pleasing unto him. It will all be worth it when we finally standing in our masters very presence hear the words "Well done, good and faithful servant!".

Discipleship

So Isaac is out on a 10 day outreach with the School of Ministry and since the computer is free and the kids are asleep i figured would blog (i know it has been too long -- you must forgive).

Anywho i had to just sit down and right about what happened with Nemo tonight. This afternoon we went over to some friends for a birthday party and one of the child's gifts was the new movie (not sure if new but i had never even heard of it -- i know that does not mean much) called Bolt. I thought the two older boys would be way blessed to see a new cartoon movie so even though it was getting late i arranged for the boys to be dropped off at the house later once the movie was over and i walked home with the two young ones to start dinner.

All seemed to be well, i got dinner ready and did some of the prep for the bed time routine. The boys were dropped off and we sat down for dinner when i noticed that Nemo seemed kinda aloof. I asked him if he was tired figuring that must be the explanation of the attitude. Much to my surprise he almost started crying and began saying how he should not have watched that movie and it was scary and he was going to have bad dreams.

Ok so granted i probably should have screened the movie but it was Walt Disney and we were at another missionaries house so i figured it could not be all that bad. Hindsight is 20/20 and i should have known better epically given Nemo's very sensitive nature and his struggles of late with scary dreams.

So that is all the back ground but the really cool part is how God arranges these "discipleship moments" in our lives. Isaac may have his SOM disciples but God has entrusted me with four precious souls that He desires to be trained and equipped and it is my job (by this grace of course) to do it.

So over dinner we talked about what was it that scared him and what was going on in the movie. We talked about how in those scary moments God provides an escape or how sometimes what appears to be a bad situation God uses for good and how it is often in those moments of trouble that you seek God. I could tell he was listening but still emotionally upset. I explained to him about how God does not remove all the scary times or the times of trouble but helps us to trust in him through them to which Nemo responds "Yeah like how Paul was thrown in prison. God could have kept him out of prison and didn't but God was with him."

We continued with our bedtime routine and Nemo asked me to pray that he would not have scary dreams so we did. When we finished Lulu's and Yahoo's bible story on David Nemo asked "Mom if David had all these guys and Saul had all these guys why did David not just fight Saul and become king?" Once again i was able to pour such truth into his heart about how God is the one who raises up kings and David knew that God alone should take them down and about how during Davids running from King Saul God was teaching him lessons that would make David to be a king that God wanted. The idea again of God using our trials to refine us for His purposes.

By the time we had finished the bible stories and praying i could sense Nemo was still upset so i decided to put the other three kids in bed and spend a little bit of one on one time with my first born. I really felt that God was giving him another opportunity to grow in the area of his emotions and i told him that. I explained how in our physical lives we don't always get to choose what happens to us but we do get to choose what we think about (hold every thought captive, think on whatever is lovely). I got out a cup and filled it half full with water and asked him the age old question "Is it half empty or half full?" to which he responded, "both". "Your right, it depends on the way you look at it." And how true. Are we focused on the blessings in our lives or are we looking and longing for more? Are we recognizing the God moments, the answered prayers, the angels around us or just the disappointments, frustrations, and discouragements?

By the end of our conversation, the light countenance and smile returned to his face and we held hands as we walked down the hall to the bedroom. I tucked my not so little boy in bed, kissed his forehead and told him that i loved him. As i turned and quietly closed the door i could not help but be overcome with thanksgiving to my God for those four blessings in my life.

Moms out there, let me encourage you, don't let those discipleship moments pass you by. Take the time. Be filled that you may have the words, the examples to pour into them. There is truly no greater joy or calling.

1 Timothy 4:8 "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."

Mountain moving Faith

Romans 4:20-21 "He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform."

This verse speaks of Abraham. Most of us know the story ... Abe and his wife are childless and old and the Lord tells him he is going to make his decedents as numerous as the stars. All the physical circumstances indicates that this is clearly impossible but yet Abe according to Romans did not stagger at what God promised. Other versions state that he did not waver or doubt. As i meditated on that verse i began to ask myself .... How is it actually possible to not waver, to not doubt, to not stagger?

One of my weaknesses is that i am very logical and i struggle in fully embracing things that i can not totally comprehend. I know in my head that God is very able to work miracles and but my faith in Him actually doing it is far from the place of not doubting. I am like the father with the sick son in Mark 9:24 constantly crying out that i believe but for the Lord to help my unbelief.

Then He speaks to me and it all makes sense. That kind of unwavering faith is NOT possible of my own. It is a gift that HE gives to me. It is not a place that i alone can reach. I am weak, poor, wretched and fully and utterly incapable of doing it on my own. When HE speaks to you and you know that it is him and him alone then the faith that was not there before is now fully present in such abundance that even you are amazed. The important part is not gaining the faith but hearing from the very heart of your heavenly father.

So now my prayers are not so much for the faith but just to hear very clearly and to be persistent to not move until i know that i know that i know He has spoken. Don't settle for anything less. "But without faith it is impossible to please him; for he that cometh to God must believe that he is [I am, that I am] and that he is a rewarder of them who diligently seek Him."
(Hebrews 11:6)

Begin TODAY!

Overcome

I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday season and are now looking forward to the freshness of a new year. At this time one can not help but do the self evaluation of the previous year, where I find myself now and what does the year ahead hold. I am reading a book by Greg Laurie and in the introduction he states that when a life (or in our case a year) is coming to an end one of the things he hears people say the most is that “they wished they had spent more time walking closely with God. At the end of their lives, they have come to recognize the fact that they will stand before Almighty God…. Sadly we will spend so much time on that which does not really matter and in the process, we neglect that which really does matter.”

When I read this I became so very convicted. What you say….”Clea, you have given up everything to serve the Lord!” It is true that I have given up many physical luxuries but the thing that I have not given the Lord is priority. I like so many others all too easily get caught up in “doing”; putting so much emphasis on my daily physical schedule that I schedule out the Lord. How I get to such a state is hard to determine. I look back on seasons of my life where I was committed to my quiet walks with the Lord, to my personal journal time, of just needing time in the stillness. Like any new resolution it takes time and commitment to make it routine. Like pastor Laurie reminded me I am never going to look back and care if dinner was on time or if I got the chores done on time but I will regret allowing my flesh to rob me of the blessing of time with my Father.

I don’t know about you but the kind of person that I want to be can’t happen without daily refreshment from the Lord. I don’t want to be a complainer; I don’t want to get frustrated with my kids just being kids; I don’t want to get stress out just trying to get the family out the door for church. To me that is not the victorious Christian life that Jesus has made available to me.

For me, my once again new year resolution is to get up early and start my day before the kids wake (yes I realize this may mean getting up at 5 in the morning) in the bible and prayer. I need no I must begin with Him, not rushed, not squeezed, but still. If I don’t how can I ever be that person that reflects Christ to my husband and children yet alone to a lost and dying world. Without spending time being filled, it will not happen no matter how much I want it.

So now that you know my resolution... anybody up to calling Africa daily to get my lazy butt out of bed… Just kidding. I know even this too is accomplished by prayer and He will give me the ability to overcome. But how about you…what is the Lord putting on your heart? What is He calling you to do or not do? Please I beg you, I implore you, no matter how impossible it may seem or how silly or how hard, COMMIT. Don’t come to the end of next year with the same regrets or what ifs. Lets be overcomers!

1John 4:4 “Little children, you are of God [you belong to Him] and have [already] defeated and overcome them [the agents of the antichrist], because He Who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world.” (AMP)

All In

December 15, 2008.

So I just finished
reading the book End of the Spear. If you don’t know, the book is about the result of the death of 5 missionary men who willing gave their life to make peaceful contact with some natives of the Amazon in Ecuador in the name of the gospel.

I really enjoy reading books like this because it is so easy for me being a missionary to focus on how much I have given up in the name of Jesus. On a daily basis I don’t really even think about it too much. However, you have those moments when you hear about even other missionaries going on vacation, or being able to go to Kampala for the weekend again, that the flesh rears up and you start comparing. Those moments are never uplifting and instead of looking at all that the Lord has provided with thanksgiving you end up having a poor me party.

Anywho… I had one of those the other night just after finishing this book and by my third or fourth cup of poor me tea I was disgusted with myself for even allowing my thoughts to go so far from God. As I sat there talking about how much we have given up I could not help but think about the real cost of being ALL IN for Jesus.

I don’t know about now, but a couple of years ago poker was a really big thing. People would get together to play or watch the World Series of Poker on ESPN. I never really go into it but I do remember the times when the players would go all in. I am not much of risk taker. I guess I am just too logical but I remember looking at the mountain of poker chips and thinking that they are crazy for chancing it all. What if they were bluffing and got called on it and lost! I think those players new something about risks – if you are not willing to risk big then often you are able to win big.

I think that same theory applies to our walks with the Lord. We have to be willing to go ALL IN. Now don’t think that just because I am a missionary in Africa that I have somehow got this handled. It is a constant choice to not hold back, to not have a plan B and just trust. It does not come natural or easily; it is an act of the will. But unlike poker our going all in for the Lord is not a gamble.

I don’t remember how I got on the conversation with Nemo but I was telling him about how Jesus said that if you love your life you will loose it but whoever looses their life will gain it. As I explained it to him it began to really sink into my heart. If I love my life and I am more concerned about me and my needs in the end I will have lost but if I give it up not just some parts of my life but every part, my family, my finances, my time, my health, my marriage, my friendships, my self image then I win. I think about those 5 missionary men who literately gave it all even unto death. I believe that before they ever gave up their life physically they had already in their mind had whole heartily given it back to the Lord.

Do we just say the words "to live is gain to die is gain" or do we believe it do we practice it? God has been working on me to go ALL IN. How about you? Is there an area of your life that you still have not TOTALLY submitted back to the Lord? Do it today! It is not a gamble it is a sure bet win. I most assuredly will never win the world series of poker but when this game of life is over and I get to heaven I want to be able to tell Papa that I went all in for Him.

What I learned from a papaya

The transition from Kenya to Uganda, like most changes in life, has come with a balance of giving and receiving. One of the biggest blessings is again as a family being part of a real Calvary chapel church; that to me that is priceless. But on the other hand we have not really been able to find a place to purchase safe meat. Lets see church or meat; living bread or steak – to me that is a no brainer.

Sometimes the blessings are hidden at first and then with time are revealed. One such gift that I have just recently began to appreciate is the previous tenant. The last renter loved flowers, plants and just anything green. She actually started a botanical garden here in town. So the compound is filled with all sorts of different types of trees, plants, flowers etc. Call me practical but my favorite type of plants are ones that bear fruit. Just the other day as I was preparing breakfast I cut open a papaya that came from our compound. This literately was our first fruits. It is hard to explain but a sense of pride seemed to come over me and the Lord began to give me a picture of what it means to sow and to reap.

For the last few years now we have been doing a lot of moving and changing of ministry. And anyone who lives a transient life understands it is hard to put down roots and then move on. Before moving to Africa we sold our house and I remember one of the harder things for us was to know that we would never experience picking apples off the tress we had planted. Again in Kenya the last time we planted a garden and left just as the harvest season began. You invest your time, money, sweat into something and yet never get to experience the joy of the harvest.

The same phenomenon occurs in ministry just ask anyone who works with children. Many times you pour your heart into the children in your ministry only to see the fruit start to form but often miss out on the real harvest. In Kenya I spent over a year investing in a relationship with the guys that I bought fruit from. Over that period of time I never saw anything amazing happen but just continued to faithfully to let them know that we cared and then we left. (As a side note, I just found out that three of the five fruit guys in Kitale currently enrolled in the bible training that Isaac’s dad and mom are doing there!)

So what does this all have to do with a papaya… well at that moment I found myself on the other end – I was now benefiting from someone else’s sowing. I did not plant that papaya tree nor did I tend to it, weed it, water it, or fertilize it. When we got here the fruit was ready for the picking and the fruit was sweet! (Actually the best I have ever had.)

I think for me God was trying to show me how selfish I am. I want the benefit of my labor but often that is not his plan lest I would boast. My success is not dependent on my harvest but my faithfulness in the sowing. He encouraged me and I encourage you to be faithful not growing wearing in doing good whatever your ministry (especially to you mothers out there). On earth we may never experience the harvest of our labor but in heaven when we see the fruit of our faithful sowing it will be more than worth all the hard work. Jesus said it right in John 4:36 “And he who reaps receives wages, and gathers fruit for eternal life, that both he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together.”